I have been trying my best to live in denial, to live in denial that it is a new year, a new month, and that a colossal change is going to take place very soon in my life. I know, I am not going to be the only one facing this new face, breathing this new air, walking this new field. In fact, everyone beside me is going to. But it still does not help much thinking from that aspect. Even if this is a change for everyone, our paths are not the same. Our paths had crossed one another's, and we had met along the way, but the road is separating again. We will not know when our paths will cross one another's again, and sometimes, it is horrifying. I have been living in denial that my life can be altered by a simple piece of paper, a simple number.
After pushing everything aside, I have no strength to push, for it gets stronger each day. I always thought I will never be discouraged by it, but now, it is already taking effect. I am scared, I am horrified, I don't want my future to be in rock-bottom. Not even hope can save me now. No one can. I, myself, can't. It has been decided. My chances of success is small, miniscule, puny. I can't think positively for this. No matter how much I wanted to, I can't. If my future is to be bad, it would mean my path will be cut. I will have nowhere to go, my life will be ruined, forever.
My holidays are ending soon. I will be facing new things, bad or good I don't know.
Labels: It draws closer.
