Hmmmm, I'm very moody all of a sudden. But it is ironic. I should feel exhilarated now, cos my mum promised to give me $30 for every A1, and I think $10 for every A2. But now, I feel so darn pissed, mostly at myself. My birthday is in 13 days time, and I am having second thoughts. It feels as though last year's nightmare may come back to haunt me on my special day, and that feeling totally sucks hardcore. I mean, I do not want to have my mood spoiled on the 19th, and I definitely do not want to trap myself in my room hiding away from the world. but, it seems like everyone is taking up jobs, going on holidays, taking courses, and my birthday gets pushed into the 'who-gives-a-damn?' list. Anyway, I don't think I deserve that, though it is not like I saved the world from destruction, or even saved a lot of people with my 'Claire Benett' blood, but I don't think anyone should celebrate their birthday alone, no matter how evil and conniving a person can be. But, this year, there isn't a goddess who is sharing a birthday with me. Hers is tomorrow, and everyone is going to that godforsaken place to have dinner. I am gonna stay at home and rot. I always wanted my birthday to be a class outing, but it seems a lot of people are overseas on that day. But that can't be helped. I know that, but I feel so fucked up right now.
Pessimism is taking over again, and I really can't help it. No one was there for last year, so why should have so much faith this time? Besides, I am a bastard. I am feeling like a jerk right now. But it isn't me who's talking, it is N!gel, you know, that guy who's stereotyped as a psychotic maniac from the loony bin. I am just crapping, giving myself an excuse to whine about every single fucked up thing in the world right now.
Still, their voices ring in my head. I do not believe what they have said, but it does hurt a little. It is not okay to hear friends say that you are fat, and that you still look like shit when you slim down, no matter how fucking egotistical they are. And to make you feel worse, they put themselves down by saying they are fat, which is totally whiney, and they ejaculate sperms! Hormones in a male's body makes him think about sex, not how fat they are! Sheesh. Shut up if you aren't fat, seriously. (I believe I have gotten off the wrong side of the sofa, so please don't mind me. And again, this is N!gel talking, not Nigel, so bear with him as he whines on and on.)
Okay, here's another present you can get me, if you even give a damn: Depressants. Here. I am sick and tired of feeling so tired from feeling sad, and I just need to perk myself up. I bet no one would hear this cos no one even comes here anymore. If you do read this, please tag to show that you do give a damn. I need to get myself a tub of gelato in my fridge. Yesterday, I screwed up my future cos of retardation relapses, and now I am doubting my birthday. By the way, I am going to the airport on my birthday to get my couz, which is cool. I love to breathe in the airport, cos the cold air smells fresher than air in the forest. Okay, getting back to whining.
Anyway, I want to have a class outing! I am totally screaming like a little girl in my mind right now. And I want to have it not just on any day, but on my birthday!!! I am officially, the worst whiner in the country. I am turning 16 this year, and there is suppose to be a secret to be told. Hope it isn't about my family being a bunch of humanoid aliens, or that the reality I am living in is all a hologram, or that in actually fact 4E hates me. I'd rather go be a monk, which means my dreams of dying my hair is history. I just hope my birthday will turn out fine. Ever heard of birthday blues? Ugh.
I love the world I love the world. I love the world. I love the world. I love the world. I love the world. It love the world.
