I Closed The Book.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

7:56 AM

Currently doing Chemistry TYS.

It has been so Chemmy this week. We will be having our Chemistry Mock Exam on this coming Saturday and I haven't prepared much. I get home so exhausted everyday. Then there's Maths. Honestly, I think the Maths Department is being very selfish. I mean, they treat us well, but I think they should spare a thought for the other subjects. We have 8 subjects (7 for me soon) and they think we only have 2. And their tests added up are more than Chem and Bio tests we had for the 2 years. I shall focus on Chemistry these few days. I think next seat for the 6 A1s in my list is Chemistry, after E and A.Maths.

Oh yes, Geography Paper is on Saturday too. Unlucky for the others. I'm dropping! Haha. I can study my Chemistry when they are doing their Geography. Just had my letter printed and passing it to Seah tomorrow.

Okay, people in our class is like a diamond basket filled with diamonds, with a minority of impurities. Want the ratio?

Diamonds : Dirt and Impurities
38 : 1

Composition of Impurities: Pure Nigel, Nigel sulphate, Nigel carbonate, Nigel chloride, Nigel
oxide, Nigel-slag, Nigel plumbate, Nigel aluminate, Nigel zincate,
Nigyl nigeonate, Nigeloic acid, Nige-ol, Nigane, Nigene, Nigel
tartarate, Nigel hydroxide, Nigel dioxide, Nigel bromide.

Yup, I ruined the whole diamond basket. While the heat and pressure form the teachers are molding everyone into pure diamond, I'm a graphite subliming at 4000 degrees Celsius.

Today was such an unlucky day. I screwed my 2 maths tests, I lost my precious calculator, I missed my porridge, I realized I cannot do mole calculation and I'm Pure Chem mind you, and I am officially the epitome of stupidity and ugliness, and there is a woman staring at me from the other block. Hate those skanks.

Oh well. I have faced my fears of being totally worthless and now I'm fine with my imperfections (or to sum it up, my existence). 4E, you are 97.36842105% pure.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

9:17 AM

Had my Biology SPA Skill 3 today. I think I can get an 80% for the exam, cos I forgot to put FRIGGIN' WATER on my material list.

I do hope I can do well for Chemistry SPA Skill 3 though. I feel that Chemistry is much easier to study cos Mr. Tien went through a lot with us already. I did not sacrifice 2 weeks of NO PORRIDGE for nothing, you know? Plus, I did quite okay for the practice we had yesterday. HOORAY FOR MAGNESIUM NOMADS! I really want to continue taking Pure Science. I know I'm not good in the Sciences or the Arts but I will try my best. I refuse to admit that I am of Combined Science standard. I remembered I used to top Science in my primary school days, and Maths, and English. What happened to me! Pure Chemistry people, let's strive to get 100%!

Oh ya, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MJ!

82 days left 4E. I bet all of you have started your engines, preparing to go full speed. I am just starting. But, there was this certain someone who turned it off. Many people might already know who that person is. Shall not elaborate further.

And I came up with a few new URLs when I was showering. LOL.

1. the-cloaked-schemer

2. the-chilly-academic

3. the-savage-sylph

4. the-melodious-nocturne

5. blue-rhapsody

6. nigel-the-sable

7. jet-black-darkness

I have more up my sleeves but they are lost in the deep dark void in my mind.

Good luck to everyone and all the best.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

9:41 AM

Hello world.

This week has been very depressing. I shall list the depressing things down.

1. I only ate porridge once this week instead of the usual 4 times.

2. I screwed every single Maths test and I can't get an A1 for my Maths, especially A.Maths.

3. I missed the second half of my POP, which is also the most memorable and touching part of the whole POP. Although I did attend the parade, the whole parade was boring with the exception of the throwing of our berets. I missed the laughter, the crying , the last moment as a squad. (I only seemed like yesterday when my squad attended the first POP for our seniors and now I have already passed out. I felt that I didn't do much for these years and I wished I could spend more time with my squadmates. LOVE Y'ALL LOTS! FRIENDS AND SQUADMATES FOR LIFE! When I threw my beret, it felt happy and sad at the same time. I felt sad because that would be the last time I wore my beret, the last time I wore my uniform, the last time we fell in as a whole squad, the last time I had to stand straight, the last time I polished my boots, the last time I felt great about being dismissed, the last time I ever had to greet the teachers, the last time Squad 4 had to be together. I felt happy because we have finally stepped down and let our juniors take the job. It hurts so much thinking about it. I will always remember the times we had together, good or bad. Thank you Squad 4 for making this 4 years in NPCC so joyful and memorable. You guys are one of a kind! :) Words just can't describe how badly I would miss you all. Let's make outings mandatory for all! HAHA! To think 4 years flew past like 4 seconds. If I could go back in time, I would go back to Sec. 1 and relive my whole 4 years again. It is a fact that I can never ever meet up with the whole of Squad 4 ever again.) Gosh I think I can do well in essay questions lol.

4. I am really tired and my brain cells are begging for mercy.

5. I am a very stupid and lazy student who will fail his 'O' Levels, no matter how much effort he puts in.

Yup, that's about it. Also, I have 2 questions that I bombard myself with every single dreadful waking moment.

1. Should I continue breathing?

2. Should I do well for my 'O' Levels?

Simple answers, but requires much thinking.

Oh well, it is for me to find out.

Squad 4, you shall forever remain in my heart till the day I vanish from the face of existence. My love for you all shall never fade and shall always remain pure.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

6:41 AM

Just came home from school. Had Chemistry from 2.30pm to 6.15pm. WTH! I MISSED MY PORRIDGE AGAIN! TWO DAYS WITHOUT PORRIDGE ALREADY! MY HOPES AND DREAMS ARE CRUSHED! It's a good thing there is no Chemistry tomorrow. 2 days of Chemistry appreciation just sucks the life out of ya'. I miss my porridgeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............
Shitty 'O' Levels are keeping me away from my porridge. I hate the 'O' Levels! Cavemen didn't even have to go to nursery! Anyway, I miss my porridge. Seriously, I am gonna buy down the whole of Yoshinoya in 10 years. JUST WATCH ME! I miss my porridge. :[

I can afford to blog today cos the only homework I am left with is my journal. I finished my Chemistry essay questions yesterday already. SHAME ON YIHAO! Ugh I miss my porridge. Today shall be my buffer day. I am so friggin' tired now.

I MISS MY PORRIDGE!:[

Ok this is the end of my Porridge Rhapsody. I miss my porridge!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

1:49 AM

Whoa it has been ages since my last post. It has been a really busy week with tests everyday. Cherie just came to my house to slack just now and she was dressed like she's going to Geylang. MODESTY CHERIE! Anyway, she left to meet Clement. It's like, you guys have already broken up but you two are still meeting each other, going to each other's house, etc.. Ya, 'break'. Anyway, we were checking out a bunch of people's friendster profile and I was laughing non-stop at this particular person's profile. I shall say not who or I will be chased by an angry mob. I was also cursing this other girl when I saw her profile. She was the fucking girl who was blocking me from taking my spoon and chopsticks when I cut her queue to buy laksa in school. FYI, if you know who you are, then I have to tell you that all your pictures in your profile look like shit. Wait, shit looks better. Anyway, we checked a lot of people's blogs and also went to a lesbian's blog. After that, we went down with my brother for lunch. We were taking each other's food LOL.

Tomorrow is the start of verbal tests at a whole new level. 7 chapters in a week. I am taking a break to blog now before I start revising. Oh yes, I am so proud I finished my partial fractions today! I hate 'em! They took like 4 pieces of my foolscap, and there were no graphs at all! I also finished my Modulus Function and now I'm left with Revison 3 before handing in on Thursday. I am looking forward to the end of the 'O' Levels, cos then I can finally relax. But, I will miss my school day routine. It is the last year where we really have a class. Oh shit, my 'countdown-to-the-'O'-Levels-and-end-of-being-in-dirty-old-classroom-4E' syndrome is coming back again. It really hurts, literally. Whenever I think about that, it's like buckets of needles being poured onto my heart. I LOVE 4E!

My POP is coming in 2 weeks. I really want to attend the rehearsals but every time I go half of the squad will be missing. Luckily everyone is going to attend the POP itself, to say goodbye. I miss the old days. We were united and we were still puny cadets. No one expects anything out of you except to turn up. Also, I miss NDP!!! Gosh time flies! It was like only yesterday when I first cursed the CIs and HOs there and now the preview for this year's NDP is already over. I miss going to HTA with ZiLing, ZiPeng, and Shirlynn to collect our tickets and taking hour long MRT trips there. And I hate to admit it but I miss the CIs and HOs there. And of course the SUNTEC CONVENTION HALL!!! I love the place! And the best part is that I can leave the place there and explore the whole district! I miss having to walk to the Marina Bay via Marina Square, I miss the stinky fishy smell on the floating platform, I miss marching in with the umbrella with all the contingent mates, I miss the feeling of a job well done after a tiring day. I didn't miss the perpetual shouting and scolding from the CIs and HOs in the morning though. I still think they are a bunch of royal skanks, but they do revert back into humans once the rehearsals end. Okay I don't know why, but I only started thinking about this now. Must be because I went to Jane's blog just now. 'Thanks' Jane. Anyway, I miss the Sec. 3 days in NPCC, especially the Leisure Camp. Those were the days when people haven't say I was not up to standard. And not to forget, the NPDP training days. I met dozens of new friends and also met many friendly people(adults). I MISS THE BATON DRILL CONTINGENT! Oh yes, that reminds me. I still hate CI Adrian. He's such a fucker. GO TO HELL ITE LOSER! These are times when I wish I can forget everything. That way, I won't have the feeling of a knife stabbing my heart every single waking moment.

I didn't go to school on Friday, cos I didn't feel so good that morning. Went to school after school(?) and took the Maths Test. It was okay, at least I could do everything. Then slacked with eveyrone and left school for Compass with Kim, Olivia, MeiJun, and Jiarui. Kim and Olivia left us after we failed to print the WB design at the photo shop. Then MJ and JiaRui had Ice-Kachang at Kopitiam while I had my claimed-by-JiaRui-to-be-very-sour Orange and Green Apple juice. Nice! Then went to Popular and wnet to Kovan. Had dinner and homed. Blah blah blah.

Gonna go study now. I LOVE 4E and NPCC!

Friday, July 11, 2008

1:05 AM

This is the earliest I have blogged before. 4pm. I'm kinda feeling guilty right now. Everyone should still be in school and I'm the only one who came home and went online. I doesn't feel right. I have a sudden urge to go back to school to hang with the rest of 4E right now. AH! I feel horrible right now. Or am I having those 'I-need-my-friends-company-urgently' right now? Ya, been having them often this year. Still remembered after Mid-Years, I felt seriously lonely and miserable without anyone from 4E to accompany me. Imagine how I'm gonna survive in JC.

I am passing out of NPCC very soon. I know I don't have the time to go for rehearsals these past few weeks, but I really miss my squad mates. All those precious memories surface in my mind, and they really make me guilty for not spending the last few weeks in NPCC. I mean, my squad mates and I have been friends for 4 years, even much more longer than the friends I have made in 4E. And the terrible thing is that we only get to really meet each other once a week. We NEED more outings! And make sure everyone makes it, cept for a minority of skanks. Oh gosh, I have an urge to go back to school for rehearsal. I enjoyed the parades this year. I get to slack with everyone and get to know about them. And all those small group gatherings, where we do stuff together. So miss them! I will definitely remember all of you! (Okay I sound like I'm going to war.)

Next are all my primary school friends. It has been four years since we were in the same classroom, and yet I'd only managed to keep in touch with some of you. We seriously need a gathering, to update each other about all of us. Once we graduate, it would mean we will be more far apart. It is sad.

Finally to all you 4E peeps out there! I am so gonna MIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS all you! Though it has only been 2 years, it feels like I have known you all for all my life. I really hope we can get into the same JC. Though we will forever be part of 4E, we will never get the chance to sit in the same stifling hall, learn in the same dirty classroom, go through Chemistry verbal test, and even enjoy class-decos ever again. We MUST keep in contact after graduation. I really don't want the 'O' Levels to end. As the days get closer to the big day, our days together dwindle. I can't imagine life without y'all. We really need to cherish our remaining days together. I know all of you are too busy preparing for the 'O's for all this, but hey, what good is a successful career without 4E in your lives? Our class outings MUST continue, even after all of you are married, get children, and get wrinkles, even after all of us are already in wheelchairs and suffer from osteoporosis. We have our own graveyard so that our corpses will always remain side by side. WE RULE!

Okay so I sound like I'm dying or going to war. But this has been troubling me for quite some time. I don't mind having an average life, but I can't stand it without 4E in my life. FRIENDS above all! No, we are family! (You know I actually tear whenever I talk about this)

Saturday, July 5, 2008

6:46 AM

Attended the Biology and Maths Remedial today.

This is the first time in the whole of Sec 4 life I felt so productive in Biology class. I mean, usually I just sleep through the lesson, cos I know I can just read from my textbook. But today I paid attention in class! Cherie was drawing beside me. Anyway, I completed the 2006 Mid-Year Paper. Now I know that Biology Papers can set really lame questions. Oh yes, now I know that the length of answers are judged by the number of lines given in the paper.

After that we went to Maths Remedial. I did quite a lot in 2 hours. I plan to finish up till the end of Revision 2. I don't know why, but I like A.Maths more but my E.Maths always seem to score better.

After the remedial, Bella, Cherie and I went to the pasar malam and Bella and I bought some food. I bought the Taiwan Chicken, while Bella bought the Ramly Burger and Taiwan Chicken too. The Ramly Burger looked really nice. (I will start the Golden Rules on Monday. Cos in that way, it is easier to see how many weeks have I progressed.)

I just took a look at our CLASS WINDBREAKER DESIGN, and IT IS SO FRIGGIN' COOL!*2 thumbs up; million-dollar smile* Credits to Olivia.

What should I wear on Monday? I wanna wear the new shirt I bought, but it has a tie with it. Oh well, I will take it off once I start sweating like a pig waiting to be slaughtered. It shall be another day of learning how to ride a bike. And YanLing shall teach me once she's done roller-blading. Thanks desk partner! :]

Shall study Chemistry now. This post is a day old. I just didn't published it on the correct day.

Friday, July 4, 2008

8:10 AM

Jealousy, such an evil thing. It is not just a feeling. It pains you. It stings you. It eats you from inside, until you have nothing left. But everyone will be jealous of someone, it is inevitable that someone is better than you. But, the question is, 'Are there people who are jealous of you?'

Well, 'Yes' is a simple answer to everyone. But not for me. And the thing is, I am not only the most imperfect person in the class, but the most worthless one too. Well, it is not only the few people in the class I envy. It is everyone. Yes, I envy every single one of you, 4E. As I type this post, all the jealousy gets stronger and stronger, each specific greatness I long for, all of them I know I will never be able to obtain.

Let go, I told myself. Yes, I did. There is no point in persevering if I already know that the fruits of my labour will be as rotten as a corpse. But I do have a purpose, I have to admit. I am a stepping stone, a stepping stone for other people to love themselves. Look at me, look at yourself. Be lucky you are not me. Your intelligence, your physique, your personality, you have it all. You just don't know it. Love yourself.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

6:32 AM

Today is the first day I started the Golden Rules, credits to Eunice. I am supposed to do the following:

1. No junk food/fried food/fast food/oily food.

2. To practice a complete vegan diet.

3. To exercise at least an hour during the weekends.

4. To stop having thoughts involving anything remotely connected to Sex. (Well, I usually laugh about them. Listening to friends about the topic do make you ponder on freaky questions that just cracks you up. Haha. And no, I do not think about them involving me. JUST LIKE EUNICE!)

5. No cursing, swearing, or profanities.

I ate a sandwich during recess, despite having to resist Cherie's Fan Choy and 3 Siew Mais. After Maths, I went to MOS Burger and had Clam Chowder, ONLY, while Cherie had Chicken Nuggets and French Fries. I survived OMG!

I knew about something I shouldn't have today. Well, maybe I should do what they say. It's only fair. But the thing is, they should have said to me in my face, not indirect telling me. It hurts more.

~~I'm sorry I was distracting y'all.~~

Gonna finish up my Maths graph questions and finally start my Biology Revision.

109 days left, will I ever be ready?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

2:59 AM

Okay so I've been procrastinating for a very long time. But this time I'm serious. Today shall be the start of the months of 'NO-Life', or I like to call it 'Un-life'. I am just blogging to initiate this thing. However, I still don't know why I am doing this. I guess since everyone is doing it, I'll too. Monkey see, monkey do, just a reason to give myself to study.

Anyway, today got back our History test. 9/28! I'm not last! YanLing got 10, and Bella got 11. LOLOLS! Then Rahim came to us and asked if our new seating arrangement was good. Then YanLing said it was good. Then Rahim told us to think about it. FUCK! He is totally aiming at me! Ugh... such a pain in the arse. Seriously, I don't wanna study Combined Humanities. It's content is so heavy, and I already have problem producing brain cells for the other subjects. Ever since school started, I have been focusing on Chemistry. I have totally neglected the two other subjects which needs my attention the most - Biology and Geography. Well, the problem is not memorizing the moles of words in their textbooks, but is the skill to writing the answers.

So to remind myself:

Biology: 1. Keywords.
2. Link to the question.
3. Analyze.

Geography: 1. Keywords.
2. Evaluation must be more detailed.
3. Link to the question.
4. Read question carefully.

So ya, thats about all the problems.

I feel very troubled nowadays. Don't know why. Self-esteem level running low.

S.O.S!